Good or bad luck

I dunno how to explain my day..
I dunno whether to say it's a lucky day or an unlucky one..
Woke up at 9=good,though i slept at only 5=bad
Makan breakfast early=good,everyone was still asleep no one teman me=bad
Walk home on the way see mum come back from pasar..
Get go home faster=good,no get to in money for friend=bad
Left the house ony bout 11+..When reach skul..
Carmen Soon leaving=good,Yin Hui oso leaving=bad
Taking result..
See chinese teacher=bad, but take result so nice=good
Come down see friend..
He get worse result then me=good,maybe i lose to everage class A=bad
Leave school..
Go out and makan=good,kena ask to eat a lot=bad
Go home..
Get to use computer=good,but only for awhile=bad
Go swimming..
Get to swim=good,kena muscle cram almost both legs+maybe got fever=bad
Makan..
Food is nice=good,cousin keep asking me leave darling to for a klang gf=BAD!!
Back..
Reach home everything start become bad..
Come home no good result or anything..
Then coz forget swimming trunk kena marah..
Then.. nothing liao i guess..
Oh ya, phone oso think spoil d!!!
So cham... i dunno wat im gonna do without my phone
Sigh

Sigh

Darling go on cruise le, so miss her.. Though ony bout 2 hours no sms her, miss her like mad..
I jz now said something i dunno is forgivable a not..
I called her a drug..
Is it right to call her my drug??
But one way it's true..
For example, drug addicts are addicted to drugs..
But for me, she's my drug..
After awhile not being with her, the addiction will take place..
First, i'll miss her damn a lot yearning for her voice..
But after some time, the addiction will be overly great making me start to think negatively again.
Then, i wont know wat to do..
I'll break my promise again coz i ad promise not to think negatively anymore..
Sorry darling, i'll try my best not to kay??
Love you

Wrong thoughs

If you wanna read this post, first i wana tell you something..
Don't think too much.. I thought too much so i wrote this but i was wrong..
But i didn't wanna delete it oso.. So mustwell, post it right?

Darling, sorry it's all my fault.
I know that i suck and never did deserve you.
But i still continued loving you the same.
Now though i know that you no longer love me but i'll continue loving you sorry.
You may not want to leave me for fearing some stuff so i'll take the first step to leave you and just love you from afar.
As long as you're happy, it's good enough for me.
Everyday i've been waiting for you for your dad never did want us to be together till i even got sick and still am but i continues waiting for if get to be with you for even 5 minutes, dying's also worth it.
I guess, i may change my blog,email and block you from everywhere.
So that you'l go back to your old life as if i never did exist in your life.
But i'll continue loving you imagining that you're happy always.
I don't think i'll continue with my blog for it reali hurts bad enough.
Every second without you hurts my hear like a knife piercing through it but it was worth it.
I got to be with you though not forever but for a period long enough making me really happy.
And i'll never love anyone else like i promised.
You're the only one i'll love till forever.
So i guess i should tell you goodbye then.
I guess this is how it feels to be forced to leave the one you love in order for them to be happy even if it means having to hurt oneself..
But nevermind, you taught me loads of new stuff making me a diferent person from before.
I really done know how i'll live without you or if i'll continue living a not but i guess you'll never know.
You'll be too busy with other people never needing to care bout me ever again.
Sigh, i guess i was always jealous of him for being able to be with you more and closer yet i'm like invisible to you.
I guess i was always jealous bout the people round you especially those you're very close with yet hated thse who touched you without your permission.
But now, i can be jealous and do things i wanted to do, to be emo and hurt myself again.
Sigh, why am i still writing this blog now.
I already cant stand the pain so i guess this is really the final words i'll tell you..
Darling, i'm sorry for my past wrong doings.
I'll still love you i guess but i'll never tell you, you will never know.
But i just wish you'll be happy so i'll perish from your life forever.
I love you

2days blog

Sry ya i so long no write blog.. One there's nothing for me to swite.. And two, i dont have the mood to write..
So now im going back time writing one day by one day backwards..

Today, nothing happened..
Woke up at 7, couldn't get up so continue half asleep till 9..
Got up started playing computer and have my breakfast..
Ps ya to those i reply so slow coz i bz playing game and missing my daring..
Then bout 4.30 go swimming..
Starting no ppl then bout 5, more and more ppl come till pool full..
Stop swimming at 6.30 then go mandi.. toilet pula hotwater awhile ony then no hot liao..
So mandi cold water lu freezing..
For a few days ad keep swimming and weather somemore so cold..
If get sick, i wont be shocked..
Btw, today i finally got Qiao Zhen to say ok i help her reload^^
She thought i was asking other things but too bad for her xD
Like this normal boring day lu..

Yesterday oso normal..
Woke up bout 9 oso.. Got up and go downstair..
Lol, do nothing no makan then start wash car.. Dad wan lend car to friend from Sabah..
So finish wash, go Taylors drop sis in college coz she going singapura wif friend..
Then meet dad friend lu..
Dad de friend de daughter say GPS so noisy..
Coz dad wanted to lend his friend.. But lucky she ony complain awhile..
Go makan then seperate..
We go but freezer.. When buy d, i go kepo help the person carry put in car..
Mum oula scold me why help... Say me later hurt my back more..
Lol, like i dont know that.. But it's no fun not being able to carry heavy stuff..
After that, go buy DVD.. So long no go that shop buy liao..
When buy, took bout 30 disc but pay bout 160+ ony i think..
Lucky boss not there boss de mother take money..
Or not boss bit not happy wif the price de..
Finish come back lu, the go Berkerly makan dinner..
Eat claypot chicken rice and pork stomach soup..
Eat tio full then come back home.. Whole day no on computer..
Then start chat wif Qiao Zhen lu..
Suddenly she say dun wan chat wif me liao wor.. say later i small gas!!
Lol, i dunno wat to say liao her..
She say i reply slow but that's coz my internet suddenly down..
She pula reply even slower and complain me!!
Henh, so bad Qiao Zhen, blame me for your own faults..
Then change com at bout 12.. Play till bout 3am then sleep liao..
Jia Le ask me sleep early so i listen to her sleep lu..

The days before i dun reali remember wat happened so i lazy write le ps

suffering

Sigh, i need help, i dunno what to do now...

If you have a choice to make which would you choose..

1-to die or 2-to be half paralysed

Which should i choose i dont know..

Everyday the pain gets worse dunno gonna go operation..

If it's too late, bottom half of my body will be permanently paralysed..

If go operation, i wont be able to sit down for 10 days...

Sigh, which to choose which to choose...

promise

Life for me sucks, it hurts me everyday.

There's nothing to do, nothing to say totally.

Bring hurt by everyday, missing you every night.

I wish to die, yet never can i.

For i had promised, to never leave you.

Promised you that forever, be by your side.

I love you fully, more then you know.

No god or devil, will pull us apart.

God devil man souls, i swear that forever.

Your power i'm immune, from blocking my love.

Love you'll never control, live you'll never conquer.

Love with my heart, live with my life.

Heart beating for her, life protecting her always.

Our love is immune, protected by only ourselves.

Though others object, we make our future.

Love you my darling, promise you together forever.

My love'll never fail, promise i'll forever keep.

forgive

I wish to die, yet can never die.

For i have promised, to continue on living.

My life right now, is worse then hell.

Death would be better, for everyone and me.

I won't hurt others, others can't hurt me.

For if i'm dead, everyone will never remember.

The life i lived, will all be forgotten.

But wrongs i did, will never be forgiven

Time

A time to miss, a time to love.

Missing you always, loving you forever.

Being there for you, in joy and sorrow.

I swear my vow, my loyalty and love.

To you my darling, only forever to you.

Though looks will change, my feelings never will.

For however you become, my feelings never change.

You could be perfection, or even a freak.

Love you the same, feelings will never distinguish,

Though life was bitterness, you proved me wrong.

Just because of you, i have changed plenty.

I don't know how, to ever thank you.

I may be ugly, stupid and a brat.

I have hurt you, hurt you very deeply.

Didn't want do it, but facts cant change.

But there is something, is your choice right?

Do you or not, regret anything about this.

Because i have blocked, all negative thoughts.

I have of you, those i'll ever have.

But in my heart, i feel something wrong.

Having continues sleepless nights, but cant realise why.

Is there something wrong, are you avoiding me?

Many days passed by, your behaviour also changes.

Isit because of me, the stress you're in?

Apology

Qiao Zhen i'm sorry, to you i'm sorry.

The things that happened, is all my fault.

i never should have, hurt or scold you.

You did nothing wrong, i did everything wrong.

You treated me good, i didn't deserve them.

I scolded you badly, even said hated you.

But inside i know, i love you totally.

Not as a girlfriend, but i good friend.

I may have badly, puncture your tiny heart.

But doing my best, i'll try mending it.

You're a good person, but i'm not one.

I'm very truely sorry, wish could rewind time.

Wish i never had, hurt you ever sorry

MOODY!!!!

Last few days no update blog today ony got chance...

The cameron trip was fun back ad... Everyday there play play ony so nice..

Nothing special happened lu.. And sorry never write my poem...

Got people beside me that time, dun wan he see..

So now i write..

But 1st i write bout today..

Wake up at 7, solo 1 room coz brother go camp for one week xDDD

Wake up see got ppl reply a not but no1 reply..

Go back sleep, wake up sleep wake up sleep till bout 9.40

Beh tahan come down watch show..

Yesterday finish HELL GIRL2 ad now no show watch...

Then after that, sms darling lu and Qiao Zhen...

When sister go out, straight on computer start msn wif darling..

She tell me got a F***I** obasan trying to flirt wif her!!!!

I so wanna kill him, and i sorta lost my good mood and said a few very bad words, sry..

Then, nothing lu, jz keep feel like kill him and if he ever touches her again, i swear i'll kill him if it's the last thing i do!!

She doesn't want him!! SO F***ING OBASAN!! hands off!!!!!!!

@@

Long time no write blog liao, dunno wat to write...
Today went to cameron meaning im in cameron now..
Woke up at 8+ got ready..
Then went out buy chocolate first^^
Come back get ready 12++ ony leave @@
But what to do?? We're malaysians, follow malaysian's rules, be late!! xD
Then come here have fun lu..
5 families together in a bungalow, 20 people total... So full but still fun xD
2 o'clock oso not yet sleep me^^

Yesterday err, thursday..
Went out morning eat dim sum..
Then went to Shah Alam buy baju..
At night, went to (forgot where) eat BBQ steamboat..
The food so FRESH some..
They kill the prawn, fish, frog etc on the spot!!
BLEK, i know d dun dare eat liao..

Before this i cant remember anything so dun wan write ps
Btw, i wan write poem so whoever reads it, plz tell me how izit plz??
It's bored i think

okay..

Sorry to all views.. i haven't been updating my blog coz of 2 reasons..
1-I dun have acces to computer all the time.
2-I wanted to stop blogging for awhile first to think..
To Qiao Zhen, after thinking, i think i should apologize to you..
I dunno whether you are still viewing my blog a not but i'm sorry..
I dun dare to tell you straight but if you do read my blog, i'm reali sorry.
I have been a brat and i said thing too harshly to you..
Reali reali sorry, i'll do anything to make you forgive me..
So plz Qiao Zhen, sorry, a thousand times sorry..
I wish that never happened ever, sorry..

To darling, i miss you a lot night and day.
I dont know wat to do and no words can explain how much i miss you..
But i just wish you can stop whatever you're doing and accompany me for awhile plz?
Darling, i reali miss you night and day even during when of im asleep..
I know it's your life so i cant do anything but.
I just wish you'll accompany me for some time at least till the start of my camp.
I dont want to miss you all through camp missing all the fun so plz??

To mei, sorry i cant reali help you.
I know you miss him a lot and love him too.
But all the same, can he come to you and accept you more then her??
You have to think not hurt yourself so plz mei???
I care bout you a lot and i dun wan you hurt plz??
You are the one who wanted to be my sister so i have to accept the resposibility on taking care of you.
You cant just die and ignore the love of others towards you..
Diying doesn't solve your problems, it just makes things worse so plz mei??
For me, grip onto your life more and don't waste it like i did.
You can still change your future so plz??

sigh

Sigh Sigh Sigh, moody.......................
I dun wan live anymore...............................
Can some1 kill me...........................
My life is so bored and suffering.......................
Wat's the use of liveing when we're gonna die one day......................
Isn't it better to end our lives now??
I dun wan write blg today, no mood..
Ending here........................
Bye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

=X

Qiao Zhen, if you wan this to happen let me know..
Hate me if you want i dun wanna care anymore..
You have hurt me more then enough and i wont say anything else..
If you wan kill me, it would be loads better..
Then i'll never ever be hurt by you again..
You wont have to carebout anything else..
You wont have to be scared others will think wrongly..
Coz i do love you i swear but only as a friend..
You on the other hand, hurts me like it's normal to do so..
I wont say anything but this..
Sorry and byebye..
Never wanna see you again but wish that you will always be happy..
I am sorry for hurting you before if i did and i regret so..
But time has passed i cant make it turn back..
So this is the last time i'm telling you this..
Byebye, i'll miss you but i will try not to..
You brought me happiness but now it has all turned to sourness..
I am sorry, reali reali sorry..
Bye

No more

Yesterday never update blog coz sister back home ad..
Today coz everyone go out only got time to update.
Yesterday woke up at 3,4,5,6 no one was awake.
After that when they awake ony i get up.
Got ready left the house at bout 7
Went hospital reach at 9 but wait till 12, so broing nothing to do there.
When my turn, ony i found out it was a stupid scan.
So i go tukar baju and go lie down in the machine.
They go strap me up make me cant more =X
Then when i go into the machine, so loud till get headache.
Finish, was sooo hungry.
So i ate 4 pau, and 2 bowls of noodles but still hungry dunno why.
But i never ate anything else.
Reach home at bour 7 went to watch New Moon!!
It was freaking nice XD i want to watch again!!
Then reach home lie down on bed.
Get up read book till 4 ony sleep =3

Today, wake up at 9, so damn tired!!
Do some work till bout 12 then go sleep again, wake up at 4, so nice..
Do nothing lor till now.. boring day