Thursday, January 21, 2010

BLOOD

slash cut.. slash cut..
So many nice red marks on my hand now..
Though not squirting out blood but it's red as blood..
I'm sorry but this is all i can do to stop the aching in my heart..
I know you asked me not to do this but..
You don't even wanna chap me anymore..
I cant take it much longer..
My heart hurts very much..
It's as if it's stabbed continuesly but it's out of generosity..
It hurts a lot but the pain keeps coming again and again..
I just wish you to be happy and stuff but why must it be so hard..
I do not deserve you at all..
But you never want to let me go..
You never did love me before why love me now??
You never cared for me before why care for me now?
I just know that you deseve him as so do he deserve you..
But you are so hard headed in admitting that you have stopped loving me..
You don't want to let me go but lock me inside your grasp..
I hate my life a lot as for what i have done is making everyone mad at me..
But it's the only why to lessen the pain in my heart and soul..
I cant forget you or worry if you're safe..
But you never really cared bout me but yourself..
You don't even find me or anything anymore..
It hurts a lot but i must bear wif it..
There is nothing i can do to stop the pain..
Sigh..
I wish i could just die but i cant..
There are many people out there who wants me to live though others want me dead..
I tried consulting a counselor but she was not in the office today..
So tomorrow Shu Xiang say she want to bring me go see counselor..
She say she's going to pull me along..
I am scared but i know it's the only way for me to forget you..
Or else, i will forever love you and not being able to let you go..
You though don't understand my feelings but..
I love you a lot and more then anyone even myself..
So i wish you will just for once let me go and if i wanna end my life, let me do it..
I'm reali sorry for the things i am doing to myself but i'm even more sorry you met me..
I only brought suffering to you and i wish that not to happen anymore..

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Life of a girl

There's a little girl who's name is Ling Pei. She was borned into a very wealthy family where money was never a problem. Ling Pei is like a magnet of love where whenever anyone sees her, they can't seem to seize from falling in love with her. She's always treated with great care and love but though this is so, whenever people take their eyes off her, the love they felt for her before slowly fades away into thin air. It is then replaced by jealousy and sometimes even hatred. Ling Pei knes this but yet, she knew that she could never change it for life never is fair. So from childhood till teenage years, she alwats flirts around with guys but there's a reason why she does it. She's searching for the guy who is meant for her, whom will love her forever not like the rest leaving her sooner or later. She just knew there was a guy out there but she had to make the first move to find for him. But time and again, there are boys who'll confess that they love her. But in the end, they're just play bpys who want to have fun with life so she dumps them. But one day, she found this guy whom she thinks was whom she is forever looking for. His name is William. William is a guy from her school. Though he was not Mr.Perfect with straight A's and a dream guy for every single girl where every guy is jealous of him. But to her, he's the person, the guy whom she wants to be with forever. But before she was able to do anything, William suddenly came up to her and before she could realise what was happening, William was already her boyfriend. But, William didn't know that Ling Pei was also with other guys at the same time she was with him. Yet Ling Pei couldn't let the other guys go cuase she was so used to multidating at once. So she treats William the best of all guys. But on the other hand, Ling Pei also has a girlfriend. Her name is Celine. Celine is a girl who's rather selfish in love. She never likes to share Pei Ling with others but she neversucceds. Celine's rather shy when around people though. For some perple know she's homo, she seldoms speaks to people. Yet, Celine never gave up on Ling Pei for she know one day Ling Pei will belong to her and only her. But then, 1 day, William suddenly told Ling Pei that he don't love her anymore. She was heart-shattered but she never cried. All she could do was think of why did he want to leave her. What wrong did she do. But then, she meh Jaz. Jaz confessed to her that he loves her. Though she knew that Jaz wasn't the one she was looking for, she still accepted him cause she loved his looks and needed someone to help reduce her sadness. Then later on, she never told him bout her real life and didn't reali care bout him. Then she met a guy called Edward. She felt that he may be the one she is finding for. Though she thought the same when bout William, she knew she couldn't be as unlucky as to be wrong twice. So she asked him if they could be together and with great luck, he said yes. But though this way, he became more and more in love with hertill he couldn't even last a minute without mising her, something bad happened. Ling Pei's father found out and opposed this totally. Her dad is a good person who loves Ling Pei a lot. He always gets her what she wants but even so, he still disapproves of her relationship with Edward. He doesn't trust Edward with his daughter so he uses some escuses to forbid them from being together. Though Ling Pei always listens to her dad, but not this time. So they two were together without permission. But Ling Pei 's afraid that Edward will go against her for having more then one boyfriend at once so she lied to him a few times. Edward knew that he was being lied to all the time but he never voiced out. But on the other hand, he secretly investigated to find out the real truth. When he did find out, he felt extremely depressed. Not cause of her multiboyfriends but cause she lied to him. So one day, Ling Pei found that Edward was chatting with Jaz. She was very afraid that either one of both of them would leave her. So she chatted with Edward secretly and found out that hiding from him was a wrong thing to do. He was rather mad at her for lying to him. But Edward forgave her for lying to him cause he knew that she did it for a good cause. Even if Edward wanted to leave her, he was unable to do so for he was already too in love with her to stop loving her. Though they fought for a few times, it was a small fight like who was stupider or who is uglier. But actually, to Edward, Ling Pei is reali reali beautiful like an angel from heaven but Ling Pei always deny's it. Everyone says that Ling Pei is not real, asking Edward to dump her except Jia Le. There may be times where things may go wrong cause Edward always over think stuff, but things always gets solved soon. Till one day, Ling Pei told Edward that it is better if they weren't together anymore. Though they planned to make it an act at first so that Ling Pei's father won't know bout it but in the end, Ling Pei said it truely. Ling Pei wanted to ask Edward to leave her for bout 1-2 monts but Edward couldn't take it. He felt that it wont be so easily as be for temporary but permanently.He didn't want it to happen but Ling Pei has sorta made up her mind. So Edward whatever her choice is, he'll accept it but before choosing her choice, he told her two things. All i want is for you to be happy AND All i want to do is to love you forever. So Ling Pei stoped smsing him. Though he send countless messages to her, she never replied even one. He couldn't take it anymore. Though he swore to her that he'll stay alive for her, he couldn't take it anymore and suicided. But Ling Pei didn't know that he loved her so much and when he died, no more messages was sent to her. So she thought that he has stopped loving her. So, Ling Pei started her life again continuing her finding for her dream guy whereas Edward was taking care of her secretly as a spirit. She didn't know that but Edward never cared. All he wants is that she's happy that's all.